" Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women..."

“So avoid using the word ‘very’ because it’s lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don’t use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason, boys – to woo women – and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do”. – Dead Poet’s Society, N.H Kleinbaum. This is undoubtedly one of my favourite quotes. As a fan of literature and an obvious word nerd I cannot emphasize the seductiveness of a man that uses proper English. Nothing makes my heart flutter like a well read guy and his corrective use of grammar. One of the most alluring factors of the Austen novels for me is the manner in which the heroes of the books articulate themselves when professing their love to the damsels. Which is perhaps why I am so disappointed in the lack of language enthusiasts amongst 21st century guys. Perhaps more guys need to start reading books so they can get tips from the likes of Mr Darcy, Captain Wentworth and of course Augustus Waters. Because lets face it 21st century guys have utterly failed in the language department and their idea of winning you over with words is probably something like : ” Hey guuurrl! I think you soo pwetty, so will youuu go out wif me?” , probably sent through a BBM message because of course where will a guy ever think to take a girl on a proper romantic date to ask her out when he can send her a message that costs nothing. This ladies, is the sad state of affairs that we face as 21st century women. How I would have loved to live in an era of well read and articulate men, of courtships and undying declarations of love. One of my favourite declarations is undoubtedly from Pride and Prejudice which is probably why it is my favourite novel. “In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you” – Mr Darcy to Elizabeth Bennet. And then of course I cannot forget about Augustus Waters : “I’m in love with you, and I’m not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I’m in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we’re all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we’ll ever have, and I am in love with you.” – The Fault in Our Stars, John Green. And Captain Wentworth’s heart melting letter to Anne : ” You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. ” – Persuasion, Jane Austen. This is why I blame my love for literature for my high expectations when it comes to relationships. How wonderful would the world be if guys used literature as romantic resources to woo women but alas we are stuck with a species of literature deficient males whose ability to string a sentence together is a task on its own. In a perfect world, I would be overlooking some beautiful scenery whilst a handsome looking, well read, book loving lad with his thick British accent professses his love to me through the words of Mr Darcy but unfortunately this is reality and the best I can do is fall in love vicariously through my romantic novels.

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